He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
