My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
