Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
