textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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