I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
