'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
