no, he came in my armpit
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
