Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize