I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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