Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
