Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
