we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
