Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
