1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
