Your dad touched me again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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