I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
