I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
