the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize