my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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