i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
