He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize