I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
