I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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