Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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