how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
