Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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