I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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