"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
