I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
