I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
