She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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