I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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