If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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