3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
