We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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