"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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