I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
