The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
