1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
