Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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