just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
