matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
