and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
