My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
