His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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