she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
