i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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