i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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