Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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