Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Then you guys just all showered together...?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
