I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
