I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Quick, to the slutcave!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
