my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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