He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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