apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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