So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
