I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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