so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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