The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
