this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
