areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
