I cockslap morals
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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