Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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