Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
