Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
