wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
