My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
