I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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