shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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