He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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