This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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