I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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