i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
