PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
