i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
