Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
