____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
