I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
